A little Something

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There are times when you just wonder and wonder just what brought you this far to this point of time. Sometimes looking back one starts to reevaluate his/her own opinion as versus the opinion one is holding on at that time. To weigh the finer points of choices against each other. To measure the pros and the cons. Deciding own what it’s gonna be and deciding to stick with it based on what your knowledge is based on as compared to suddenly this flashback in time. What’s it gonna be? Was it a good decision or was it bad………

Thinking back on this I’m reminded of the words my previous BSO (Battalion Signal Officer) from my parent unit once said: “I’ve may not have made the right decision or choice all the time but I’ve lived with it.” It is this words that I now must bring to bear. Now I’ve spent 6 months in Brunei and what have I come out from it. Have I matured, Gained new perspective, a shorter temperament or wisdom? The truth is I’m finding it hard that I changed in some ways to acknowledge I cannot regain.

Never again would I be so trusting, I would always harbor suspicions on others intentions. So too gone is my readiness to joke. Laughter seems to come hard for me. Too hard in fact……….. I’m being emptied like a pitcher except the pitcher is not seeing much use and it’s cracked. There’s something leaking, something being lost, something so intangible yet so precious and it’s being lost, little by little, bit by bit. I do not know what it is but I’m feeling an emptiness I’ve never felt so keenly before.

Could it be because I’m feeling homesick? I just came back from Sweet Singapore, hard to say or to strike it off. Missing someone? I don’t have anyone to miss other than my immediate family and that because I make it a point to call at least once a month. Friends? Same thing I call at least one each month and though they’re all different at least I get to hear what’s what in Singapore. Maybe it’s just a small phrase and I’ve get over it. I’ll see how things go.

It’s quiet here in Brunei and peaceful. Other than the times the call of ‘Sai Kang’, thereisn’t much to give grief over. Work is work even when one is assigned outfield for many days but it isn’t that hard because there’s the rhythm for it. There are new changes in camp namely the handing over and taking over of LSM. Now is to see just how ‘garang’ the new LSM is compared to the old one and whether would there be any drastic changes to the way the camp is to be runned. Previously we had to go out in the field to make changes to the checkpoints. I seriously do not want to go through that again, it could have killed me or so I felt. I’m definitely not in shape to go traipsing over all the jungles of Brunei and that brings me to another point. I’m told I have to take my IPPT but I already know I have a serious problem in that department. Yes sadly I’m as unfit as a pig….no scrap that, the pig is fitter than me. I have cause to be worried simply as my application for extension of tour here in Brunei is kinda dependant on my passing it, at least I’ve being told that.

Lol I gave a treat to some people recently and today to some of my guards. Yes I’m on guard duty again. No big deal. Funny thing is that the number of people seems to be the same but due to some problems, namely that some of the new arrivals cannot do guard duty because of some reason or something, the guards are doing repeated duties. That really sucks…Big time man. Not that Guard duty is bad but it gets very tiring to keep doing it over and over again especially when you have commitments somewhere else. Hmm abit jagged, signing off. Cya.